I sent Gus to school today without any medication. The report from his teacher was that it was a pretty good day with only a couple of issues - he didn't finish his work fast enough to get computer time and then he got upset. Just like yesterday. I wonder if the level of improvement we saw was just a placebo effect. Maybe he was just having good days and they had nothing to do with the Strattera.

He had a better time on the bus until he was almost home and then he got a bit unruly again. I can see that he's nowhere near as wild today as he was then. Yesterday he came in and was crashing into the door and was just running non-stop. He had a burst of energy when he got off the bus, but he's fairly calm at the moment.

Gus also slept better last night. I think that probably has more to do with putting the blackout curtains up again.

So, I'm convinced that we are done with Strattera. I've ordered a homeopathic ADHD remedy to try over the weekend, just out of curiosity, before I talk to his doctor again on Tuesday or Wednesday. She had wanted to try him on Focalin, which is a stimulant(similar to Ritalin, but longer lasting).

As an interesting aside, I read that 100mg of coffee has a similar effect on the brain as the lowest dosage of Ritalin. Maybe I should just get Gus to start drinking coffee?

Getting Worse

Gus was up at 5 am today, and by 5:30 was completely off the wall. Yet his teacher reported that he had a pretty decent day, only "got caught" not doing his independent work twice. However, this tells me that he wasn't focusing. The real disturbing news came just now from the bus monitor.

He's always been especially good on the afternoon bus, so good that he hasn't needed to be in his car seat. Today, the monitor said she had trouble with him staying seated. Right now he's hopping around like a jack rabbit on speed. I'm used to high energy and racing around from him. This is way beyond his usual level of hyperactivity.

I'm waiting for a call from the doctor. If he's like this on the lowest dosage, will he get worse by increasing it, or will an increase have the desired effect?

I want to scream right now. I hate, hate, hate this process. It's hard enough to watch my son when he's struggling for control of his behavior and his body under normal circumstances. To think that something that I'm making him take (he spit it out this morning) is making his struggle so much worse, makes me want to kick myself. But they've said that it can take time for the body to adjust. What the hell am I adjusting to though?

Edit: After a conversation with his doctor, we've decided that Gus is going to stop taking the Strattera, at least for now. We'll see how he is for a few day s and then decide if we're going to increase the dosage. I'm very worried about that prospect and so is the doctor. She expected that he'd have no noticeable response, if any. So we'll revisit after the holiday weekend.

Gus was very excited about his sister's dance recital yesterday. He was so excited that he got very emotional, crying because he wanted to leave already and the anxiety was too much. When he got to the show, he enjoyed himself immensely. He danced at his seat (my sister said he reminded her of our mother who always did the same thing at concerts) and sang along to the music. Unfortunately, there were people sitting behind the family (I was backstage volunteering with my daughter's class). So they took Gus out for a walk around the school, let him run around the gym for a bit to blow off some frenetic energy. He came in for her second number and made a break for the stage (during someone else's act). Fortunately, his Nana caught him. As soon as he saw his sister perform, he had to be taken home. The whole thing was too much for him.

And that was on the medication.

It didn't seem to help all that much. It's pretty much what he would have done had he not been on the meds.

Granted, he may not have been taking it long enough, or he may need a slightly higher dosage. Right now, the benefits have been minimal at best. But at least he enjoyed the show.

Promising, so far

The report from Gus's teacher was pretty good at the end of day two. He had a good morning but needed more redirection in the afternoon. I was concerned that she'd be less than objective and gloss over negative behavior out of a desire to not have me give up the medication trial too soon. I should really trust her more by now, but I'm not a trusting sort by nature, so I just have to work within my own limitations.

I didn't notice anything before he left for school, but in the afternoon he had stayed awake on the bus as usual. The biggest thing was that he was much calmer than he usually is. He wanted to write a story for my sister who was coming to visit and he sat down several times to watch television. He usually races back and forth through the room, crashing into the doors. He was still hyper, but it was definitely a subdued hyper. I had to laugh at the look on my sister's face when I pointed out, "this is calm."

I'm still somewhat peeved about the meds, but perhaps I'll get over it in time, if we see a real improvement in Gus's ability to control his impulses and focus at least in school. I must keep reminding myself - this isn't about me; it's about what will help him to learn and function safely in the world.

Strattera - day one

I'll apologize now if this happens to get boring, but I need to chronicle Gus's reactions to the meds and this is more reliable (unless I somehow lose my computer) than physically writing down. I may just do both.

I took Gus to his pediatrician yesterday and she took some baselines of all his vitals. He'd already had his liver function checked not long ago when he started his genetic testing. So we started him on the lowest dose - 10 mg - this morning.

An hour and a half later, he was racing around, but he got himself dressed, down to his shoes, with minimal redirection. He's responding when I ask him questions & doesn't seem zoned out at all. Right now, he's watching television quietly. He's covering his ears, which he's been doing a lot, but not usually in the house. He usually covers then when he's going to the bus.

As much as I didn't want to (just to see what the reports were without them knowing he's on medication) I had to tell his teacher that he's started the medication trial. Heaven forbid he suddenly has a bad reaction or an accident in school - they'd need that information. So, we'll see what she has to say this afternoon.

I am not happy about this latest turn of events, but if it helps him I guess I can live with it.

My Son the Bat

"What are you humming?" The question came from the dining area, about seven feet away. There was a little sister talking and the pellet stove fan was droning, not quietly. But Gus was able to hear that I was in the kitchen humming to myself very much under my breath.

Seven feet isn't that far, but with other noise going on and me being very quiet, I'm amazed that he heard. It explains why he's still covering his ears when he gets on the school bus or while at school. We may not notice offensive sounds, but he clearly hears things that the average person would not.

This uncanny ability leads me to wonder what he's really been crying about recently. He had about three crying spells last week and another one yesterday at school. I wonder if he's heard us talking about the medications. I really have to be better about not discussing him when he's within HIS earshot, because even when he doesn't seem to be listening, he often is.

"What are you humming?" From the top of the dining table with a book opened in front of him, he never even looked up. But he heard me.

Mother's Day Was last Week

All week long, Gus has been incredibly huggly and snuggly and kissy. At school, they must have been working on saying, "I love you very much," and punctuating it with a kiss. Gus's usual demonstration of affection is to 'peck' me like Piplup the Pokemon. So it was fun when he started giving actual kisses, but not quite the same. The kisses were sort of forced and rehearsed. But both are welcome, don't get me wrong.

Anyway, I've had a week of hugs and kisses. This morning, Gus woke up and never even came into our room! He was more concerned with getting downstairs to make French toast for me (in bed at that)! Apparently I had used up my quota of hugs and kisses.

Finally, I called him and my husband steered him into our room to wish me a happy day, blah blah. I said, "You haven't given me hugs and kisses today." He climbed right up on the bed and gave me a whole week's worth of pecks. Now that is a great gift.