Since taking Gus off his medication, I've looked for some alternative ways to help him focus during the school day. He's had a great week, only one less focused afternoon. That's pretty darned good! The weather is a big factor; he's just naturally more hyper and has a harder time during the colder months. But it's looking like physical activity and noise have been playing a big role as well.
It seems that when Gus has lots of physical activity on a daily basis, he's more focused in school. This is not surprising. Exercise increases serotonin, dopamine, norepinephrine and endorphins. The neurotransmitters control alertness, emotions, and concentration, while endorphins are natural mood lifters. So, I've made it a point to make Gus exercise for about 10 minutes every morning with a peddler - an exercise bike without the seat part - spending 5 minutes working his legs and 5 minutes working his arms. After school, he's been either swimming at the beach or walking or something else to get him out and moving. I think that if I can work something out with his teacher in the fall where he has a break midday to do some exercises, everyone may have a happier school year.
The other change we've made is that Gus now uses headphones in the classroom. It seems that when he doesn't have to be anxious about noise, he can concentrate better on his work.
So I'm feeling optimistic about the possibility of a drug free school year to come. Now I just have to find an exercise regime that we can afford and that will be interesting enough for him to want to do it every day.
Showing posts with label hyperactivity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hyperactivity. Show all posts
Friday, July 18, 2008
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Wonderfully Imperfect
Gus has been off Strattera for a few days now. I will admit, he's a little less focused and a little more hyperactive. I find myself having to tell him to do something ten times instead of eight. And ya know what? I'm so happy!
The Strattera seemed to suppress something essential in him. He became 'dulled.' I can't go so far as to say he was like a zombie, but he certainly lost his light. Sure he was calmer, but he wasn't Gus. Even the bus driver, who hadn't seen him since last summer, immediately noticed the difference.
As much as I'd like him to be able to focus, I don't want to lose all the parts of him that make him special. He's laughing again. He's running and animated (boy is he running and animated!) He's joking and singing - exuberant! I'd be an idiot to not want this version around. And he's sleeping again, thank heavens! One very interesting thing - I took him to a crowded beach today and he didn't have single problem. (He had two minor incidents last week, in a much smaller crowd of beach-goers.)
I'm sure that there are many people in the world who think the dull version is more socially appropriate, just because he was quieter, but they can, quite frankly, bite me.
The Strattera seemed to suppress something essential in him. He became 'dulled.' I can't go so far as to say he was like a zombie, but he certainly lost his light. Sure he was calmer, but he wasn't Gus. Even the bus driver, who hadn't seen him since last summer, immediately noticed the difference.
As much as I'd like him to be able to focus, I don't want to lose all the parts of him that make him special. He's laughing again. He's running and animated (boy is he running and animated!) He's joking and singing - exuberant! I'd be an idiot to not want this version around. And he's sleeping again, thank heavens! One very interesting thing - I took him to a crowded beach today and he didn't have single problem. (He had two minor incidents last week, in a much smaller crowd of beach-goers.)
I'm sure that there are many people in the world who think the dull version is more socially appropriate, just because he was quieter, but they can, quite frankly, bite me.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Strattera Update
After a brief period off of Strattera, Gus has been back on for a little while now. He started at 10 mg and then increased to 15. I took him to the doctor last week, it had been almost a month. The word she used to describe him was 'loopy.' He was not running all around the room like he usually would, but he wasn't exactly what you could call focused either. Instead of his body buzzing, his brain and mouth were motorized. He went on and on about Who Framed Roger Rabbit, very perseverative and going a mile a minute. Our pediatrician wasn't sure what to make of Gus's behavior, so she consulted with the specialist.
The specialist felt that Gus was not on a high enough dosage to see any result. He wanted to go for 36 mg a day, but the dosing guidelines limit his size/age at 25. So he started on that level this weekend.
The only real difference I see is that the meds are making him subdued and sleepy, but I don't know if that equates to focused. He's less responsive when I call him and still needs lots of reminders to complete tasks like getting dressed, maybe not as many as before, but not a huge improvement there. On the other hand, he is having some sleep issues (waking up before 5 am randomly, getting out of bed several times at bed time, sometimes waking in the middle of the night). He's not eating normally. Several times I've had to feed him. He's still anxious and has been getting grumpy on & off, but he's expressing himself more clearly.
This morning, about an hour after taking the meds, he started complaining of feeling sick, tired and of a headache, which is very out of character for him. Even when he's sick, he rarely complains, which told me that he had to be feeling pretty bad, at least for a while.
So I don't know. The side effects haven't been earth-shattering, but neither have the positive results. I'm thinking this medication may help a bit, but ultimately is probably not worth it. We'll have to let him adjust to this new dosage, but it seems more pessimistic by the day.
The specialist felt that Gus was not on a high enough dosage to see any result. He wanted to go for 36 mg a day, but the dosing guidelines limit his size/age at 25. So he started on that level this weekend.
The only real difference I see is that the meds are making him subdued and sleepy, but I don't know if that equates to focused. He's less responsive when I call him and still needs lots of reminders to complete tasks like getting dressed, maybe not as many as before, but not a huge improvement there. On the other hand, he is having some sleep issues (waking up before 5 am randomly, getting out of bed several times at bed time, sometimes waking in the middle of the night). He's not eating normally. Several times I've had to feed him. He's still anxious and has been getting grumpy on & off, but he's expressing himself more clearly.
This morning, about an hour after taking the meds, he started complaining of feeling sick, tired and of a headache, which is very out of character for him. Even when he's sick, he rarely complains, which told me that he had to be feeling pretty bad, at least for a while.
So I don't know. The side effects haven't been earth-shattering, but neither have the positive results. I'm thinking this medication may help a bit, but ultimately is probably not worth it. We'll have to let him adjust to this new dosage, but it seems more pessimistic by the day.
Saturday, June 7, 2008
School Trips
Yesterday was the big school trip to Liberty Science Center. Wow, what a day! Gus was so excited I thought his head might start spinning a la Linda Blair. The car ride was long, long, long, but thanks to the meds, Gus fell asleep for a few minutes. The angst (amplified by the five-year-old mantra of, "Are we there yet?") didn't start until we unwisely decided to use my GPS to get ahead of the school bus because I had to find a bathroom ASAP. We survived, dry and in one piece and finally connected with the rest of the class.
LSC has four floors of hands on exploration, amazing exhibits, a huge IMAX theater and scheduled shows. And while it seemed that every school in the tri-state area was visiting, it was relatively uncrowded. I don't want to imagine what it would have been like otherwise.
We started on the first floor at the skyscraper exhibit. Gus promptly lost it. He wasn't misbehaving, rather he was so over-the-top excited, he was trying to pull me in every direction at once. Then he saw one of the interactive exhibits: kids strapped into harnesses and then allowed to walk across construction beams. I thought about letting him do it (he was about to rip my arm out of the socket trying to get up the stairs) but then I had a vision of him going out onto a beam and either a) freaking out when he realized the height or b) enjoying it so much he wouldn't come back. We left the skyscrapers.
The second floor had an exhibit of animals - one of Gus's favorite topics - called Eat and Be Eaten. He raced through the animals in their tanks, but was completely immersed with the presentation. He got to see a sponge, starfish, scorpion (which he wisely did not attempt to pet) and a giant cockroach (which, ugh, they did touch).
Another big hit was the Germ exhibit. A model of a human head randomly sneezed on the kids, and they of course were tickled senseless by this! I was pretty amused myself, just watching the glee at being splattered.
The best part of the day was the Science of Fear exhibit. That finally engaged him enough to calm him down. It was pretty darned cool. There were four booths set up, each to test different types of fear. The first had you stick your hand into a dark opening just below a tank with a snake and a sign that said Can you feel if an animal has climbed into the hole? Neither of us was that brave. Next to that was a big Jacob's Ladder of electrical current that asked you to stick your finger into a casing and allow yourself to get shocked. He declined and I took quite a while to get up the nerve. Then there was the Fear of Loud Noises. You sat in front of a video camera waiting, waiting and then BOOM! a sound like a shot came out of nowhere. Then the video replayed in slow motion to show you how you looked. Hilarious! He loved that. The best was last of course. The Fear of Falling where you get strapped to a table that tilts slowly back before suddenly dropping you to a cushion. Better than an amusement park ride. Gus took it like a champ, but more impressively, he waited on the long line with the patience of a Buddah. Score!
Just a word on how the Strattera fared...it didn't really. He was as hyper as he ever is in that type of situation and the car ride home was pretty nuts. Instead of crashing like we expected, he was totally revved up, even more so when we got home. I didn't expect that the medication would have done much.
All in all a fun day. He's asking if there's a Science of Fear exhibit closer to us. So I guess I'll stop writing and start looking.
LSC has four floors of hands on exploration, amazing exhibits, a huge IMAX theater and scheduled shows. And while it seemed that every school in the tri-state area was visiting, it was relatively uncrowded. I don't want to imagine what it would have been like otherwise.
We started on the first floor at the skyscraper exhibit. Gus promptly lost it. He wasn't misbehaving, rather he was so over-the-top excited, he was trying to pull me in every direction at once. Then he saw one of the interactive exhibits: kids strapped into harnesses and then allowed to walk across construction beams. I thought about letting him do it (he was about to rip my arm out of the socket trying to get up the stairs) but then I had a vision of him going out onto a beam and either a) freaking out when he realized the height or b) enjoying it so much he wouldn't come back. We left the skyscrapers.
The second floor had an exhibit of animals - one of Gus's favorite topics - called Eat and Be Eaten. He raced through the animals in their tanks, but was completely immersed with the presentation. He got to see a sponge, starfish, scorpion (which he wisely did not attempt to pet) and a giant cockroach (which, ugh, they did touch).
Another big hit was the Germ exhibit. A model of a human head randomly sneezed on the kids, and they of course were tickled senseless by this! I was pretty amused myself, just watching the glee at being splattered.
The best part of the day was the Science of Fear exhibit. That finally engaged him enough to calm him down. It was pretty darned cool. There were four booths set up, each to test different types of fear. The first had you stick your hand into a dark opening just below a tank with a snake and a sign that said Can you feel if an animal has climbed into the hole? Neither of us was that brave. Next to that was a big Jacob's Ladder of electrical current that asked you to stick your finger into a casing and allow yourself to get shocked. He declined and I took quite a while to get up the nerve. Then there was the Fear of Loud Noises. You sat in front of a video camera waiting, waiting and then BOOM! a sound like a shot came out of nowhere. Then the video replayed in slow motion to show you how you looked. Hilarious! He loved that. The best was last of course. The Fear of Falling where you get strapped to a table that tilts slowly back before suddenly dropping you to a cushion. Better than an amusement park ride. Gus took it like a champ, but more impressively, he waited on the long line with the patience of a Buddah. Score!
Just a word on how the Strattera fared...it didn't really. He was as hyper as he ever is in that type of situation and the car ride home was pretty nuts. Instead of crashing like we expected, he was totally revved up, even more so when we got home. I didn't expect that the medication would have done much.
All in all a fun day. He's asking if there's a Science of Fear exhibit closer to us. So I guess I'll stop writing and start looking.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Can't Tell If It's Working or Not
The higher dose of Strattera may or may not be working. It's hard to tell. Gus has been generally calmish except for little bouts of hyperactivity (in varying degrees of intensity) in the evenings. He's had decent days at school, but he's been crying a lot. Yesterday I asked him if something was bothering him and he said, "My head felt like a squished plantain." It seems like the medication may be helping a little in some areas, but overall, not a great difference. And the sensory issues still seem heightened. The impulse control, which is what we were hoping to help the most, is still not there. Yesterday, Gus decided it would be a good idea to hang from the curtains, and the curtain rod was pulled clean out of the wall. This was not the first time it's happened. Tonight my husband caught him chewing on the controller wires for his Gamecube - again seeking that oral sensory stimulation. He hasn't had problems with that in quite some time.
So I don't know that the medication is worth it, especially with comments like the one yesterday and some of the behaviors we're noticing.
So I don't know that the medication is worth it, especially with comments like the one yesterday and some of the behaviors we're noticing.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Unexpected and Curious
Today marks the fourth day of Gus's Strattera re-trial. Our first go at the medication ended after about six days because his behavior became wild on the afternoon of day six - to the point of endangering himself and the other people on the school bus. The doctor and I worried that increasing the dosage would make matters worse, but the results have been surprising.
Gus's behavior at home this weekend has been vastly different than what we heard from school. He's been very calm for the most part, sleepy even toward the afternoon. Yesterday there was one brief bout of grumpiness because he wanted to play a computer game and his sister wanted to watch TV, so he locked himself away in his room for a while. But there's been no name-calling or rudeness. As a matter of fact he was at a birthday party at a very crowded place and was just great. Around 5:30 he got a little burst of hyperactivity; last week it came a little earlier than normal - about 3ish.
One small issue he had last night was that he kept getting out of bed whereas he is usually the first to fall asleep. It was especially weird since he was completely exhausted from the day. But sometimes being too tired can effect the ability to fall asleep, so I won't panic over it.
Now, he'll be getting to that point where he started having serious problems early in the week. It seems that the increased dosage pushed back the bout of wildness enough that he hasn't had any bus trouble yet, but we'll see. If there's no major change for the worse on the bus, I'm willing to keep him at this level for a while longer and I'll probably even let teacher know by Tuesday or Wednesday, depending on when I speak to Doc. I'm sure she'll be pissed that I didn't tell her sooner, but scientific studies are often done blind for a good reason.
Gus's behavior at home this weekend has been vastly different than what we heard from school. He's been very calm for the most part, sleepy even toward the afternoon. Yesterday there was one brief bout of grumpiness because he wanted to play a computer game and his sister wanted to watch TV, so he locked himself away in his room for a while. But there's been no name-calling or rudeness. As a matter of fact he was at a birthday party at a very crowded place and was just great. Around 5:30 he got a little burst of hyperactivity; last week it came a little earlier than normal - about 3ish.
One small issue he had last night was that he kept getting out of bed whereas he is usually the first to fall asleep. It was especially weird since he was completely exhausted from the day. But sometimes being too tired can effect the ability to fall asleep, so I won't panic over it.
Now, he'll be getting to that point where he started having serious problems early in the week. It seems that the increased dosage pushed back the bout of wildness enough that he hasn't had any bus trouble yet, but we'll see. If there's no major change for the worse on the bus, I'm willing to keep him at this level for a while longer and I'll probably even let teacher know by Tuesday or Wednesday, depending on when I speak to Doc. I'm sure she'll be pissed that I didn't tell her sooner, but scientific studies are often done blind for a good reason.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Pardon Me, But I Think You're Full of Poop
An IM conversation I was having with a good friend:
"I hypothesize that if there were less a*holes in the world, our kids would have an easier time."
"That is also amazingly true, but for some reason being an a*hole is acceptable. Because it is the norm, I guess?"
Gus was on Strattera for six days. Of those six days, the first day was fine; second day he needed prompting in the afternoon; fifth day (a Monday) he had a bad day; day six he was okay at school, but wouldn't stay in his seat on the afternoon bus. Honestly, these reports could have come at any time, whether on the meds or not. They were pretty unremarkable except for the school bus incident. The end of last week he had two decent days off the medication.
Today, his first day back from the Memorial Day weekend (he never has a good day after a weekend or holiday), also the day the teacher found out that he'd been off the meds for a few days, he apparently had a terrible day. I got a whole laundry list of things he did wrong today. And suddenly it seems that she had a feeling he was off the meds.
I think she's full of something stinky.
I'm so fed up with the ridiculous expectations and the negative attitude. Not that Gus is an angel, but he's a pretty good kid. Seven-year-olds can be defiant, so can five-year-olds and teenagers. Why must my kid be singled out every day of his freaking life because he's not medicated?
We'll probably try a different dose of the Strattera before switching to the Focalin. Heaven help these people if he gets so out of control that he does something really dangerous to himself or if this medication harms him in any way. Heaven help them.
Edit: Doc and I have settled on a slightly higher dosage for a few days to step him up slowly. I have a headache now.
"I hypothesize that if there were less a*holes in the world, our kids would have an easier time."
"That is also amazingly true, but for some reason being an a*hole is acceptable. Because it is the norm, I guess?"
Gus was on Strattera for six days. Of those six days, the first day was fine; second day he needed prompting in the afternoon; fifth day (a Monday) he had a bad day; day six he was okay at school, but wouldn't stay in his seat on the afternoon bus. Honestly, these reports could have come at any time, whether on the meds or not. They were pretty unremarkable except for the school bus incident. The end of last week he had two decent days off the medication.
Today, his first day back from the Memorial Day weekend (he never has a good day after a weekend or holiday), also the day the teacher found out that he'd been off the meds for a few days, he apparently had a terrible day. I got a whole laundry list of things he did wrong today. And suddenly it seems that she had a feeling he was off the meds.
I think she's full of something stinky.
I'm so fed up with the ridiculous expectations and the negative attitude. Not that Gus is an angel, but he's a pretty good kid. Seven-year-olds can be defiant, so can five-year-olds and teenagers. Why must my kid be singled out every day of his freaking life because he's not medicated?
We'll probably try a different dose of the Strattera before switching to the Focalin. Heaven help these people if he gets so out of control that he does something really dangerous to himself or if this medication harms him in any way. Heaven help them.
Edit: Doc and I have settled on a slightly higher dosage for a few days to step him up slowly. I have a headache now.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
I sent Gus to school today without any medication. The report from his teacher was that it was a pretty good day with only a couple of issues - he didn't finish his work fast enough to get computer time and then he got upset. Just like yesterday. I wonder if the level of improvement we saw was just a placebo effect. Maybe he was just having good days and they had nothing to do with the Strattera.
He had a better time on the bus until he was almost home and then he got a bit unruly again. I can see that he's nowhere near as wild today as he was then. Yesterday he came in and was crashing into the door and was just running non-stop. He had a burst of energy when he got off the bus, but he's fairly calm at the moment.
Gus also slept better last night. I think that probably has more to do with putting the blackout curtains up again.
So, I'm convinced that we are done with Strattera. I've ordered a homeopathic ADHD remedy to try over the weekend, just out of curiosity, before I talk to his doctor again on Tuesday or Wednesday. She had wanted to try him on Focalin, which is a stimulant(similar to Ritalin, but longer lasting).
As an interesting aside, I read that 100mg of coffee has a similar effect on the brain as the lowest dosage of Ritalin. Maybe I should just get Gus to start drinking coffee?
He had a better time on the bus until he was almost home and then he got a bit unruly again. I can see that he's nowhere near as wild today as he was then. Yesterday he came in and was crashing into the door and was just running non-stop. He had a burst of energy when he got off the bus, but he's fairly calm at the moment.
Gus also slept better last night. I think that probably has more to do with putting the blackout curtains up again.
So, I'm convinced that we are done with Strattera. I've ordered a homeopathic ADHD remedy to try over the weekend, just out of curiosity, before I talk to his doctor again on Tuesday or Wednesday. She had wanted to try him on Focalin, which is a stimulant(similar to Ritalin, but longer lasting).
As an interesting aside, I read that 100mg of coffee has a similar effect on the brain as the lowest dosage of Ritalin. Maybe I should just get Gus to start drinking coffee?
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Getting Worse
Gus was up at 5 am today, and by 5:30 was completely off the wall. Yet his teacher reported that he had a pretty decent day, only "got caught" not doing his independent work twice. However, this tells me that he wasn't focusing. The real disturbing news came just now from the bus monitor.
He's always been especially good on the afternoon bus, so good that he hasn't needed to be in his car seat. Today, the monitor said she had trouble with him staying seated. Right now he's hopping around like a jack rabbit on speed. I'm used to high energy and racing around from him. This is way beyond his usual level of hyperactivity.
I'm waiting for a call from the doctor. If he's like this on the lowest dosage, will he get worse by increasing it, or will an increase have the desired effect?
I want to scream right now. I hate, hate, hate this process. It's hard enough to watch my son when he's struggling for control of his behavior and his body under normal circumstances. To think that something that I'm making him take (he spit it out this morning) is making his struggle so much worse, makes me want to kick myself. But they've said that it can take time for the body to adjust. What the hell am I adjusting to though?
Edit: After a conversation with his doctor, we've decided that Gus is going to stop taking the Strattera, at least for now. We'll see how he is for a few day s and then decide if we're going to increase the dosage. I'm very worried about that prospect and so is the doctor. She expected that he'd have no noticeable response, if any. So we'll revisit after the holiday weekend.
He's always been especially good on the afternoon bus, so good that he hasn't needed to be in his car seat. Today, the monitor said she had trouble with him staying seated. Right now he's hopping around like a jack rabbit on speed. I'm used to high energy and racing around from him. This is way beyond his usual level of hyperactivity.
I'm waiting for a call from the doctor. If he's like this on the lowest dosage, will he get worse by increasing it, or will an increase have the desired effect?
I want to scream right now. I hate, hate, hate this process. It's hard enough to watch my son when he's struggling for control of his behavior and his body under normal circumstances. To think that something that I'm making him take (he spit it out this morning) is making his struggle so much worse, makes me want to kick myself. But they've said that it can take time for the body to adjust. What the hell am I adjusting to though?
Edit: After a conversation with his doctor, we've decided that Gus is going to stop taking the Strattera, at least for now. We'll see how he is for a few day s and then decide if we're going to increase the dosage. I'm very worried about that prospect and so is the doctor. She expected that he'd have no noticeable response, if any. So we'll revisit after the holiday weekend.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Gus was very excited about his sister's dance recital yesterday. He was so excited that he got very emotional, crying because he wanted to leave already and the anxiety was too much. When he got to the show, he enjoyed himself immensely. He danced at his seat (my sister said he reminded her of our mother who always did the same thing at concerts) and sang along to the music. Unfortunately, there were people sitting behind the family (I was backstage volunteering with my daughter's class). So they took Gus out for a walk around the school, let him run around the gym for a bit to blow off some frenetic energy. He came in for her second number and made a break for the stage (during someone else's act). Fortunately, his Nana caught him. As soon as he saw his sister perform, he had to be taken home. The whole thing was too much for him.
And that was on the medication.
It didn't seem to help all that much. It's pretty much what he would have done had he not been on the meds.
Granted, he may not have been taking it long enough, or he may need a slightly higher dosage. Right now, the benefits have been minimal at best. But at least he enjoyed the show.
And that was on the medication.
It didn't seem to help all that much. It's pretty much what he would have done had he not been on the meds.
Granted, he may not have been taking it long enough, or he may need a slightly higher dosage. Right now, the benefits have been minimal at best. But at least he enjoyed the show.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Promising, so far
The report from Gus's teacher was pretty good at the end of day two. He had a good morning but needed more redirection in the afternoon. I was concerned that she'd be less than objective and gloss over negative behavior out of a desire to not have me give up the medication trial too soon. I should really trust her more by now, but I'm not a trusting sort by nature, so I just have to work within my own limitations.
I didn't notice anything before he left for school, but in the afternoon he had stayed awake on the bus as usual. The biggest thing was that he was much calmer than he usually is. He wanted to write a story for my sister who was coming to visit and he sat down several times to watch television. He usually races back and forth through the room, crashing into the doors. He was still hyper, but it was definitely a subdued hyper. I had to laugh at the look on my sister's face when I pointed out, "this is calm."
I'm still somewhat peeved about the meds, but perhaps I'll get over it in time, if we see a real improvement in Gus's ability to control his impulses and focus at least in school. I must keep reminding myself - this isn't about me; it's about what will help him to learn and function safely in the world.
I didn't notice anything before he left for school, but in the afternoon he had stayed awake on the bus as usual. The biggest thing was that he was much calmer than he usually is. He wanted to write a story for my sister who was coming to visit and he sat down several times to watch television. He usually races back and forth through the room, crashing into the doors. He was still hyper, but it was definitely a subdued hyper. I had to laugh at the look on my sister's face when I pointed out, "this is calm."
I'm still somewhat peeved about the meds, but perhaps I'll get over it in time, if we see a real improvement in Gus's ability to control his impulses and focus at least in school. I must keep reminding myself - this isn't about me; it's about what will help him to learn and function safely in the world.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Is This What It Feels Like?
I had a very uncomfortable experience last night and somewhere in the midst of it, I started to wonder if this is what Gus feels like when he's wound up. If it is, I really feel for him, because it felt awful to me. This wasn't the first time I'd felt this way, but it was the first time I'd ever connected the feeling to what he might experience.
I had to work last night so I had a fifteen minute nap around 8:30 and some caffeinated tea around 9. After I finished my tutoring shift, I stayed up to take care of some other business until around midnight. I was thoroughly exhausted, but I could not fall asleep. After forty-five minutes of tossing and turning I started to look more closely at what I was feeling and I actually started to write down all the different sensations.
At 12:53 am, there was a loud humming in my ears, like the sound of a high voltage cable. This was mostly what was keeping me up. It was coming from inside my head and no matter what I did, it wouldn't stop. Not only could I hear it, but I could feel it - like my entire body was vibrating at a high frequency. Nothing worked to stop it and after a while, I really wanted to beat my head against a wall. The last time I felt like that was when I tried to go vegetarian years ago. I ended up with WAY too much energy and for 5 months, I couldn't sleep and always felt that humming/buzzing going through me. It didn't go away until I started eating meat again; the meat had a grounding effect on me.
In addition to the humming, the other noises in the house started to seem louder - I suppose darkness does that, but it made me extremely jumpy. I made my husband get up and check the downstairs once and two other times, I sat bolt upright, on high alert.
My muscles were tight. Being a yoga teacher, I've become very attuned to my body and I'm accustomed to a feeling of muscles hugging the bones when the muscles are engaged. Last night my muscles were choking my bones, causing a dull ache, and I had to keep stretching and flexing because of the discomfort.
Last, my mind was racing. I had more images and ideas than I could even keep up with - they just added to the internal noise. For a while, I was preoccupied with the stuff that's been going on with Gus's school, then with all the things I have to take care of...stupid things like applying for a new library card. That is not something that should keep me up at night.
I don't know if it was the caffeine or too much computer time just before bed that overstimulated my brain. But I have to work again tonight and I have a busy day today, and I don't know how I'm going to drag myself through it. One thing I do know, I'll be a lot more sensitive to Gus next time he wakes up in the middle of the night and can't go back to sleep.
I had to work last night so I had a fifteen minute nap around 8:30 and some caffeinated tea around 9. After I finished my tutoring shift, I stayed up to take care of some other business until around midnight. I was thoroughly exhausted, but I could not fall asleep. After forty-five minutes of tossing and turning I started to look more closely at what I was feeling and I actually started to write down all the different sensations.
At 12:53 am, there was a loud humming in my ears, like the sound of a high voltage cable. This was mostly what was keeping me up. It was coming from inside my head and no matter what I did, it wouldn't stop. Not only could I hear it, but I could feel it - like my entire body was vibrating at a high frequency. Nothing worked to stop it and after a while, I really wanted to beat my head against a wall. The last time I felt like that was when I tried to go vegetarian years ago. I ended up with WAY too much energy and for 5 months, I couldn't sleep and always felt that humming/buzzing going through me. It didn't go away until I started eating meat again; the meat had a grounding effect on me.
In addition to the humming, the other noises in the house started to seem louder - I suppose darkness does that, but it made me extremely jumpy. I made my husband get up and check the downstairs once and two other times, I sat bolt upright, on high alert.
My muscles were tight. Being a yoga teacher, I've become very attuned to my body and I'm accustomed to a feeling of muscles hugging the bones when the muscles are engaged. Last night my muscles were choking my bones, causing a dull ache, and I had to keep stretching and flexing because of the discomfort.
Last, my mind was racing. I had more images and ideas than I could even keep up with - they just added to the internal noise. For a while, I was preoccupied with the stuff that's been going on with Gus's school, then with all the things I have to take care of...stupid things like applying for a new library card. That is not something that should keep me up at night.
I don't know if it was the caffeine or too much computer time just before bed that overstimulated my brain. But I have to work again tonight and I have a busy day today, and I don't know how I'm going to drag myself through it. One thing I do know, I'll be a lot more sensitive to Gus next time he wakes up in the middle of the night and can't go back to sleep.
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