Soothing a Meltdown

Yesterday, we decided to take the kids to Chuck E. Cheese for lunch and some video games because MM was insisting on it for some reason. We'd spend all day Saturday indoors because of the weather. Because of that, Gus wasn't in any particular mood to go anywhere or do anything. He was a bit resistant as we prepared to leave, and I wanted to give him some Reiki energy before getting in the car, but I got a phone call, and everyone sort of left me in the dust. Then I drove, so I couldn't really do it while driving. Hence, we got there and Gus was not a happy camper. Thankfully, the place was not crowded at all; he would have been overstimulated on top of everything else.

He wanted to do everything but what we asked: didn't want to put his jacket on, didn't want to wait until after lunch to go play in the giant slide (If he'd been allowed to do that it would have resulted in a worse situation when he needed to come down to eat - and he really needed to eat by then.), didn't even want to get his hand stamped. We selected a table and he wanted to sit in the area reserved for parties. He got a bit whiny and started to flail about under the table. I got him calm enough to negotiate another table in the unreserved section, but that only worked for about thirty seconds until he started getting agitated again.

I wasn't sure if Reiki would be possible at that point, but I tried it. I loosely put my arms around him and began sending the energy. Normally, any form of restraint would have made him more upset, but I was stunned to see that he relaxed right into my arms and accepted the energy. He calmed right down - it was truly amazing. Even DH was pleasantly surprised. Once the energy stopped, he still exhibited some mild annoyance, but he wasn't on the floor or crying. A little food, and he was right as rain. He had a great time and was in a pretty good mood for the rest of the day.

While this isn't exactly conclusive regarding the effect that Reiki is or isn't having on him, I think it's at least a positive sign.

Renewal and Reiki

Since I started writing My Autism Insights, I have found myself with less time to devote to this, my original autism blog. That's a shame because this one allows me to be more personal without the restrictions of a blog network. So I think I will make it a point to pay a little closer attention to Autism is Red and will start by tracking our progress with Reiki as a way to help Gus (diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome) focus and self-manage, especially during the school day.

I've recently received 2 Kundalini Reiki attunements from Alice at Reiki Awakening and should be receiving the third next week some time. This is not my first experience with Reiki as I have received energy treatments in the past. I decided to become a practitioner for two reasons: to help with my own depression and to help Gus with some of his challenges.

It's been difficult to get Gus to sit still for a treatment, and I find that I have a harder time sensing the energy flow if I try to do the treatment with my hands directly on him. Last night, I tried letting him sit in my lap and he was much more accepting. I also tried sending him treatments from a distance. One day I did it in the morning before school. On that day, he was reportedly on task in the morning, but a little scattered in the afternoon. Yesterday, I sent him some Reiki energy in the afternoon. The note from school was that he was unsettled in the morning, but better in the afternoon. Today, I did some Reiki when he got up and I'll do it again around midday to see what kind of day he has.

One thing I discovered from communicating with my Reiki teacher is that I had been very ungrounded, which made a light bulb go off over my head. It occurred to me that if Gus had a way to ground himself, half his school battles would be solved. One of the biggest issues he has at school is that he has trouble focusing on tasks long enough to complete them. I'm sure that bringing his energy down a little, out of his head if that makes better sense, would have to make it easier for him to get his work done.

If Gus responds well to this form of energy work, eventually I can attune him (when he's older) so that he can become aware of and manage his own energy needs. Wish us luck with it!

Ransoming Computer Time

Wow, I haven't posted here in ages! But I had a funny that was just too good to pass up.

Gus has been having a very emotional day today, getting agitated easily and quickly losing his ability to regulate himself. So he played in his room for a bit and DH decided to take that opportunity to play a new Spiderman XBox game. Of course as soon as Gus heard it, he wanted to play. DH showed him the controls, and Gus usurped control of the game to DH's displeasure. Eventually, DH wrested control of the game back, which annoyed Gus. What was worse was that he had been banned from the computer for a while. We turned off the television altogether because it seemed that he needed a break from all electronics.

He went upstairs. He came back downstairs. We offered a board game and he refused to play. As we sat around the board with MM, I caught Gus crawling under the computer chair trying to sneak to the computer. He also tried to sneak to the television remote. Finally, I noticed him rummaging around the printer. Odd. He grabbed a pencil and scribbled something on a blank sheet of paper:

The first note:
I am Busy right Now
So What?

He brought it to me and asked me to make it into a paper airplane. Over my laughter, I heard him explain that he was busy and needed the computer. That effort, of course, failed.

The second note:
Come on
I Will olny Be on the computer
for 24 seconds

That one I did turn into a paper airplane! But again, we held firm. But he was amused by that point.

The final note (and keep in mind, he was humming Pink's So What as he scribbled):
We are going to Start a Fight nowww!

I don't think he has any future as a career ransomer, but he sure is funny! He and I eventually went upstairs to build bridges out of wood blocks and had the best time.

Homework fun

"Six minus one?"

"Nothing."

"Six minus one?"

"Nothing."

Repeat ten times.

"I'm going to say it until you get tired of hearing it and give me the answer."

Sigh. "Five!"

"Great! Three minus three?"

Silence. Yeah, wise guy, gotcha now! He smirks, knowing he's caught.

"Uh...three." We both laugh and he gives me the right answer.

Earlier in the homework adventures...

"Okay, write your name and try to keep your letters on the line." Of course the letters start to float above the line, a weak escape attempt. "Oh no! Where are those letters going? They're flying away!" Giggles. We erase, try again, and get the first name on the line. Soon, the letters of the last name start to drift up. "Hey! Those letters are flying without a license! Get them down from there!"

Gus draws a little circle next to the last letter. "That's their ticket!"

This is going to be a fun year.

The First Week

I don't want to get too excited, but the first week back went well. Gus's teacher reported that he was fine even if a little distracted by the afternoons. She gave him reading time at the end of the day, which helped. I'm happy to see that she's pretty adaptable, at least so far. We're going to target a few areas to work on with him: keeping his hands to himself and off of other people's things; keeping his internal dialog to himself are two that I'm thinking of. Hopefully we can work out some strategies that will help him self-regulate.

I've been reading a book called Positive Discipline, and while I'm still working my way through it, I do feel that the approach will leave a child feeling more empowered than the alternative discipline models. So far, I've seen better cooperation from MM and Gus has needed minimal redirection. They're both taking more responsibility in the house and are adhering to the new school-time routines. Maybe I can share what I'm learning with Gus's teacher for a better outcome than last year. By the end of the year, his self-worth seemed to have decreased (in my opinion), his anxiety had increased, and he ended up on medication. I am not interested in going that route again. If they can't meet his needs without making him feel down on himself, then perhaps it's time to give homeschooling a try. I don't know if I can do it, but I'd rather try than have my son feel unsuccessful because other people are frustrated from having to redirect him so much. That's what he's there for-his IEP even says so!

Anyway, I don't want to get into a rant. I'm going to stay positive as long as I can and hope for the best. How is the school year shaping up for you if you've got school-aged kids?

First Day Back!

Woo! We are so excited about the first day back to school, Gus was awake at 4:30! He's been asking questions:

What will I learn in second grade?
Will I learn Geography?
Will I learn English?
Will I learn Division?

We're all packed and ready for the school bus half an hour early. We've got lunch and noise-canceling earphones, as well as a note alerting the teacher just how early her eager student was up. Gosh, what most teachers wouldn't give for a student that jazzed about learning new things!

And it's an even bigger first day of school than usual because MM is starting Kindergarten today! She's just as excited about school as her brother is, and he's almost as excited for her as he is for himself.

With all the energy in the house this morning, is it any wonder I'm ready for a nap? Will update on how it all went tomorrow. For those with kids starting or starting back to school today, have a great one!

Not Crazy, Different

Yesterday we were out playing with the one other boy Gus's age in the neighborhood. They don't play together often because they're about as different as a bull and a butterfly. He's an okay kid, but a little 'type-A' while Gus is...Gus. So, all three kids were climbing a tree, and the boy quietly asked Gus, "Why are you so crazy?" Then he turned to MM and said, "Why's your brother so crazy? Why's he so silly? He's always talking about silly things."

I took many deep breaths. He wasn't trying to be mean, but in light of Gus's proclamation the other night about being odd, it broke my heart a little.

Gus didn't answer, but I could tell he heard and was thinking about it. I said to the boy, "He's not crazy, he's different. He thinks about things differently than you."

"But why does he talk about silly things?"

"Are you silly sometimes?"

"Yeah," he said with a sheepish smile.

"Well, so is he and so am I and everyone else, too."

That seemed good enough, but I had to get out of there. I took the kids for a walk, and then home for a chat, some reassurances, some ideas about how to handle questions like that. Don't know if I handled the situation correctly, but it was the best I could come up with. I guess we weren't going to stay in this polite little bubble forever.

Six Miles on a Bike?

Gus has been doing really well on his bike since taking off the training wheels. He's gotten better at starting himself off and isn't crashing into things to stop himself as much. So my husband and I have talked about maybe joining a local cycling club and possibly joining them for a family ride in September.

The ride would be six miles along a trail, no traffic. Since it is family-centered, I doubt it will be very hilly. I'm pretty sure that Gus could handle it. I remember a few years ago when he was around three, we did an autism walk that was two miles. He ran the last quarter mile and then went on to spend the rest of the afternoon in a bouncy castle. I think he's got the energy and stamina to go six miles on a bike.

My one concern would be the other riders. He's not always mindful of his surroundings and has difficulty navigating others' personal space (part of the sensory difficulties), but I think I may have a strategy brewing. If the four of us ride, if we ride behind the kids with them single file, each of use can flank each of them. I'll have to contact the organization and ask some questions about the expected number of participants and so forth, but if he was able to do a walk among thousands of people at three, I'm confident that he can handle this. And I think he'd enjoy it in addition to it providing him with something to feel good about.

He needs something to feel good about, especially now when it seems he's starting to notice his differences. I was reading Gus a story the other night and the phrase 'odd man out' was mentioned. He asked me what odd meant. I was a little apprehensive about the question, but I answered, explaining that it could have to do with numbers that didn't divide evenly or it could mean different or unusual.

His response: "I'm odd."

I replied that everyone is different and that he was awesome. He wasn't exactly upset, just a sort of resigned. But he went to sleep and was fine the next morning. So I think now would be a great time for him to feel capable and successful. Maybe a bike ride will go a little way toward that end.

How Amazing is This Boy?

Tonight, Gus was a little amped up, so I told him we'd go out for a little bike ride after dinner, which we almost never do. On a whim, I told him to try out his sister's old bike - the one without the training wheels. Three tries, and I swear he was riding, all on his own! He's a natural! I'm amazed and so very proud! He's got me beat by two years - I didn't ride a two-wheeler until I was nine.

Once he got the hang of riding the little bike, I took the trainers off his bike and went riding around the block. He's still got to get the hang of starting off, but that'll come quickly, I'm sure.

This is the site where I got the 'instructions' for teaching a kid to ride, which I learned about from a discussion at AutismVox.

On our way home, Gus took a bad spill. He forgot to turn and went over the curb and landed in some grass. He was completely fine - he's got amazing reflexes when it comes to falling - but the bike handlebars somehow twisted all the way forward. So when my husband and I - brilliant as we are - tried to fix them...

It's a very simple concept: lefty-loosey; righty-tighty. Someone forgot to mention that you have to be facing the thing you're trying to loosen to the lefty, not the top, because then you're turning righty and the nut is becoming tighty. It only took us an hour to figure out why it was getting harder to turn the nut despite the blasts of WD40. Good thing our kids are smarter than us.

So Gus's bike is all fixed and ready to go! Yay, Gus!!

Good People

It occurs to me now and then that while there have been a number of people - children and adults - who have been less than kind to Gus, there have been so many who have been really wonderful. We're very fortunate to live among some great neighbors.

Yesterday at the beach, one woman was there with her daughter and two nephews. Gus and MM had played with the little girl once before - they're all Pokemon enthusiasts. The nephews were much older, but played with the kids and were so patient with Gus, I actually went and chatted with the woman to tell her what nice boys they were. Then there's the family down the street with the two teens and two little ones. The older ones are really amazing with all the smaller kids in the neighborhood, but I don't think they know how much it means that they show Gus such patience and never exclude him from games.

We're surrounded by parents of children who show their kids by example that Gus is not "weird" as he's been called (not too long ago), but just different and totally acceptable.

They may not all understand the intricacies of autism or Asperger's (only one person does, actually) but our neighbors are good people. We're lucky to have found them.

Some Possible Answers

Since taking Gus off his medication, I've looked for some alternative ways to help him focus during the school day. He's had a great week, only one less focused afternoon. That's pretty darned good! The weather is a big factor; he's just naturally more hyper and has a harder time during the colder months. But it's looking like physical activity and noise have been playing a big role as well.

It seems that when Gus has lots of physical activity on a daily basis, he's more focused in school. This is not surprising. Exercise increases serotonin, dopamine, norepinephrine and endorphins. The neurotransmitters control alertness, emotions, and concentration, while endorphins are natural mood lifters. So, I've made it a point to make Gus exercise for about 10 minutes every morning with a peddler - an exercise bike without the seat part - spending 5 minutes working his legs and 5 minutes working his arms. After school, he's been either swimming at the beach or walking or something else to get him out and moving. I think that if I can work something out with his teacher in the fall where he has a break midday to do some exercises, everyone may have a happier school year.

The other change we've made is that Gus now uses headphones in the classroom. It seems that when he doesn't have to be anxious about noise, he can concentrate better on his work.

So I'm feeling optimistic about the possibility of a drug free school year to come. Now I just have to find an exercise regime that we can afford and that will be interesting enough for him to want to do it every day.

Wonderfully Imperfect

Gus has been off Strattera for a few days now. I will admit, he's a little less focused and a little more hyperactive. I find myself having to tell him to do something ten times instead of eight. And ya know what? I'm so happy!

The Strattera seemed to suppress something essential in him. He became 'dulled.' I can't go so far as to say he was like a zombie, but he certainly lost his light. Sure he was calmer, but he wasn't Gus. Even the bus driver, who hadn't seen him since last summer, immediately noticed the difference.

As much as I'd like him to be able to focus, I don't want to lose all the parts of him that make him special. He's laughing again. He's running and animated (boy is he running and animated!) He's joking and singing - exuberant! I'd be an idiot to not want this version around. And he's sleeping again, thank heavens! One very interesting thing - I took him to a crowded beach today and he didn't have single problem. (He had two minor incidents last week, in a much smaller crowd of beach-goers.)

I'm sure that there are many people in the world who think the dull version is more socially appropriate, just because he was quieter, but they can, quite frankly, bite me.

Freedom

Gus's last day on Strattera was Monday. It's a huge relief, and I feel like I've got my son back. He's more animated and he's eating again, thank goodness! So far there haven't been any major complaints from school. He was a little squirmy on the bus yesterday afternoon, and he was a little chatty and loud on the bus this afternoon. Otherwise, no unsafe behavior.

I got to observe him at school yesterday for a little while and the teacher seemed pleased and impressed by his encyclopedic knowledge. I'm sure she could have done without the low-level talking to himself, but she took it in stride.

He's been showing signs of sensory turbulence lately. He'd been okay with noise for a long time, but lately, since the spring, he's been covering his ears more and more. Now there's a student in the class who screams randomly. We're considering noise cancelling earphones.

Amazing how much easier I'm breathing this week.

Strattera Update

After a brief period off of Strattera, Gus has been back on for a little while now. He started at 10 mg and then increased to 15. I took him to the doctor last week, it had been almost a month. The word she used to describe him was 'loopy.' He was not running all around the room like he usually would, but he wasn't exactly what you could call focused either. Instead of his body buzzing, his brain and mouth were motorized. He went on and on about Who Framed Roger Rabbit, very perseverative and going a mile a minute. Our pediatrician wasn't sure what to make of Gus's behavior, so she consulted with the specialist.

The specialist felt that Gus was not on a high enough dosage to see any result. He wanted to go for 36 mg a day, but the dosing guidelines limit his size/age at 25. So he started on that level this weekend.

The only real difference I see is that the meds are making him subdued and sleepy, but I don't know if that equates to focused. He's less responsive when I call him and still needs lots of reminders to complete tasks like getting dressed, maybe not as many as before, but not a huge improvement there. On the other hand, he is having some sleep issues (waking up before 5 am randomly, getting out of bed several times at bed time, sometimes waking in the middle of the night). He's not eating normally. Several times I've had to feed him. He's still anxious and has been getting grumpy on & off, but he's expressing himself more clearly.

This morning, about an hour after taking the meds, he started complaining of feeling sick, tired and of a headache, which is very out of character for him. Even when he's sick, he rarely complains, which told me that he had to be feeling pretty bad, at least for a while.

So I don't know. The side effects haven't been earth-shattering, but neither have the positive results. I'm thinking this medication may help a bit, but ultimately is probably not worth it. We'll have to let him adjust to this new dosage, but it seems more pessimistic by the day.

Beating the Heat

The heat index is reportedly going up to dangerous levels today and tomorrow. Days like these, I worry about Gus, not just for the obvious reasons, but because his body never seems to respond well to even less intense heat. He gets awful eczema all summer long, incredible angry red bumps and blotches all over the backs of his legs and inner elbows. along with the inflammation come itching and discomfort, sometimes he rips up his skin something fierce. The rashes have, at times, extended to more unmentionable parts too, which is my big concern today.

Last week it was hot, but not sweltering. He apparently kept fussing with his pants and before the end of the day, he pulled them off. His tactile sensory issues are usually only a problem if he gets his clothes wet, so I concluded that his skin was the issue, not the clothes. I put what I could on his skin today to keep him comfortable (as much as I hate using steroids i.e. hydrocortisone, I can't watch him suffer for the next three months). So hopefully, he'll keep his pants on - literally - today. And I really hope that someone has the good sense to keep the little ones indoors, out of the beaming sun, today.

If anyone knows of any natural eczema ointments or creams that work really well, please comment and let me know! It would be great to help him without the steroids.

School Trips

Yesterday was the big school trip to Liberty Science Center. Wow, what a day! Gus was so excited I thought his head might start spinning a la Linda Blair. The car ride was long, long, long, but thanks to the meds, Gus fell asleep for a few minutes. The angst (amplified by the five-year-old mantra of, "Are we there yet?") didn't start until we unwisely decided to use my GPS to get ahead of the school bus because I had to find a bathroom ASAP. We survived, dry and in one piece and finally connected with the rest of the class.

LSC has four floors of hands on exploration, amazing exhibits, a huge IMAX theater and scheduled shows. And while it seemed that every school in the tri-state area was visiting, it was relatively uncrowded. I don't want to imagine what it would have been like otherwise.

We started on the first floor at the skyscraper exhibit. Gus promptly lost it. He wasn't misbehaving, rather he was so over-the-top excited, he was trying to pull me in every direction at once. Then he saw one of the interactive exhibits: kids strapped into harnesses and then allowed to walk across construction beams. I thought about letting him do it (he was about to rip my arm out of the socket trying to get up the stairs) but then I had a vision of him going out onto a beam and either a) freaking out when he realized the height or b) enjoying it so much he wouldn't come back. We left the skyscrapers.

The second floor had an exhibit of animals - one of Gus's favorite topics - called Eat and Be Eaten. He raced through the animals in their tanks, but was completely immersed with the presentation. He got to see a sponge, starfish, scorpion (which he wisely did not attempt to pet) and a giant cockroach (which, ugh, they did touch).

Another big hit was the Germ exhibit. A model of a human head randomly sneezed on the kids, and they of course were tickled senseless by this! I was pretty amused myself, just watching the glee at being splattered.

The best part of the day was the Science of Fear exhibit. That finally engaged him enough to calm him down. It was pretty darned cool. There were four booths set up, each to test different types of fear. The first had you stick your hand into a dark opening just below a tank with a snake and a sign that said Can you feel if an animal has climbed into the hole? Neither of us was that brave. Next to that was a big Jacob's Ladder of electrical current that asked you to stick your finger into a casing and allow yourself to get shocked. He declined and I took quite a while to get up the nerve. Then there was the Fear of Loud Noises. You sat in front of a video camera waiting, waiting and then BOOM! a sound like a shot came out of nowhere. Then the video replayed in slow motion to show you how you looked. Hilarious! He loved that. The best was last of course. The Fear of Falling where you get strapped to a table that tilts slowly back before suddenly dropping you to a cushion. Better than an amusement park ride. Gus took it like a champ, but more impressively, he waited on the long line with the patience of a Buddah. Score!

Just a word on how the Strattera fared...it didn't really. He was as hyper as he ever is in that type of situation and the car ride home was pretty nuts. Instead of crashing like we expected, he was totally revved up, even more so when we got home. I didn't expect that the medication would have done much.

All in all a fun day. He's asking if there's a Science of Fear exhibit closer to us. So I guess I'll stop writing and start looking.

Can't Tell If It's Working or Not

The higher dose of Strattera may or may not be working. It's hard to tell. Gus has been generally calmish except for little bouts of hyperactivity (in varying degrees of intensity) in the evenings. He's had decent days at school, but he's been crying a lot. Yesterday I asked him if something was bothering him and he said, "My head felt like a squished plantain." It seems like the medication may be helping a little in some areas, but overall, not a great difference. And the sensory issues still seem heightened. The impulse control, which is what we were hoping to help the most, is still not there. Yesterday, Gus decided it would be a good idea to hang from the curtains, and the curtain rod was pulled clean out of the wall. This was not the first time it's happened. Tonight my husband caught him chewing on the controller wires for his Gamecube - again seeking that oral sensory stimulation. He hasn't had problems with that in quite some time.

So I don't know that the medication is worth it, especially with comments like the one yesterday and some of the behaviors we're noticing.

Location Could Be Everything

I just had an interesting chat with the morning bus monitor. Gus has been able to get out of his car seat and has gotten up, but he only does it when the bus is stopped and they are waiting for the teachers to come out and get the kids. The impression from both bus monitors is that he's really smart and sweet and funny. He's not using any negative language or behavior during his hours with them. This is consistent with the way he generally behaves at home. He went through his phase of 'potty mouth' and occasionally gets nasty, but so does every other kid. Mostly, he's got a very laid-back, likable personality.

So the monitor made an observation about his ear-covering, which he's started doing these past couple of months. She felt that maybe he was just exposed to too much 'noise' during the day and is trying to block it out. By noise she meant corrections, instructions, demands, other kids...It's true that there are a lot more expectations on him than ever and being in a mainstream school building, visiting some mainstream classes (music) may be too much stimulation for him.

I can't argue that even though he wasn't getting as much in the realm of academics last year, he was certainly a happier kid and his staff was happier with him.

Unexpected and Curious

Today marks the fourth day of Gus's Strattera re-trial. Our first go at the medication ended after about six days because his behavior became wild on the afternoon of day six - to the point of endangering himself and the other people on the school bus. The doctor and I worried that increasing the dosage would make matters worse, but the results have been surprising.

Gus's behavior at home this weekend has been vastly different than what we heard from school. He's been very calm for the most part, sleepy even toward the afternoon. Yesterday there was one brief bout of grumpiness because he wanted to play a computer game and his sister wanted to watch TV, so he locked himself away in his room for a while. But there's been no name-calling or rudeness. As a matter of fact he was at a birthday party at a very crowded place and was just great. Around 5:30 he got a little burst of hyperactivity; last week it came a little earlier than normal - about 3ish.

One small issue he had last night was that he kept getting out of bed whereas he is usually the first to fall asleep. It was especially weird since he was completely exhausted from the day. But sometimes being too tired can effect the ability to fall asleep, so I won't panic over it.

Now, he'll be getting to that point where he started having serious problems early in the week. It seems that the increased dosage pushed back the bout of wildness enough that he hasn't had any bus trouble yet, but we'll see. If there's no major change for the worse on the bus, I'm willing to keep him at this level for a while longer and I'll probably even let teacher know by Tuesday or Wednesday, depending on when I speak to Doc. I'm sure she'll be pissed that I didn't tell her sooner, but scientific studies are often done blind for a good reason.

Maybe This Is Not the Right Place

With all the talk about Alex Barton, I'm thinking a lot lately about Gus's school experience. I try not to take things personally or to get too freaked out about the reports of what Gus is going 'wrong' during the day, but when it's every day, sometimes I have to wonder if he could possibly do anything right in the teachers' eyes.

Then there was the question of medication. They were pleased as punch when I finally agreed to try it. But I am getting a sense of annoyance because I took him off within the first week. The reports from the two days he was off the meds were good until I let the teacher know that he;d been off the meds. Then the story changed. All week, the reports have been negative, and I'm not saying his behavior hasn't been as reported, but I have to wonder if they are more negative because the teacher thinks he's off the medication. He's been back on the medication (unbeknownst to the school) and the reports have been the worst yet. I got a very terse note from the teacher today about how Gus was yelling at people today, throwing himself on the floor and being generally rude. Again, I don't dispute it - I saw how he got on the lower dosage of this medication. I just wonder if her annoyance would be as apparent if she knew that he was still on the same drug.

I'm also thinking that it may have been a mistake to take him out of his previous program for one more geared toward mainstreaming. Yes, he's getting more in the way of academics, but I think the staff in the other program was a bit more...understanding about certain behaviors. I could walk into his class last year at any given time and just feel the love toward my son. There is very little, if any toward him where he is now.

I understand how teachers can get burnt out and fed up with students. I taught for four years. I can understand it, but that doesn't mean I want a constant stream of 'you're not good enough' being hurled at him for another year.

Should I get the district to put him back in his old school? Will that give him and even worse message about his capabilities? I just want my kid to learn and be happy - is that too much to ask? He's in a special needs class for a reason - because he's got special needs. One of those needs is for understanding and compassion, not irritation on a daily basis. And I increasingly doubt that one of those needs can be met from a little brown bottle.