The First Week

I don't want to get too excited, but the first week back went well. Gus's teacher reported that he was fine even if a little distracted by the afternoons. She gave him reading time at the end of the day, which helped. I'm happy to see that she's pretty adaptable, at least so far. We're going to target a few areas to work on with him: keeping his hands to himself and off of other people's things; keeping his internal dialog to himself are two that I'm thinking of. Hopefully we can work out some strategies that will help him self-regulate.

I've been reading a book called Positive Discipline, and while I'm still working my way through it, I do feel that the approach will leave a child feeling more empowered than the alternative discipline models. So far, I've seen better cooperation from MM and Gus has needed minimal redirection. They're both taking more responsibility in the house and are adhering to the new school-time routines. Maybe I can share what I'm learning with Gus's teacher for a better outcome than last year. By the end of the year, his self-worth seemed to have decreased (in my opinion), his anxiety had increased, and he ended up on medication. I am not interested in going that route again. If they can't meet his needs without making him feel down on himself, then perhaps it's time to give homeschooling a try. I don't know if I can do it, but I'd rather try than have my son feel unsuccessful because other people are frustrated from having to redirect him so much. That's what he's there for-his IEP even says so!

Anyway, I don't want to get into a rant. I'm going to stay positive as long as I can and hope for the best. How is the school year shaping up for you if you've got school-aged kids?

Whose Fault is it Really?

Gus decided to go pay a neighbor a visit this evening. Under normal circumstances, this might not be such a big deal. The problem is that we don't really know these neighbors and he barged into their home uninvited.

This hasn't been a problem in a while. He used to run into our old neighbor's apartment across the hall, and when we first moved here, he went into our next door neighbor's house. But he hasn't done that in about a year.

I want to throttle someone, but who? Do I blame the six year old who was just curious about what the people down the way were watching on television? Do I get mad at the father who was grilling outside and was supposed to be watching his son? Do I kick myself in the butt for allowing Gus to go out, when I know my husband can't multi-task, when we already had an incident earlier when my husband was supposed to be watching the kids, while I was inside mashing sweet potatoes? Who's really to blame here?

Or maybe I should just be grateful that our neighbors aren't maniacs and didn't try to hurt my son or scream at him (like the guy next door did last year) call the police or some other reaction that could have made this situation much worse.

Gus has been punished and is losing all video game and computer privileges for three days. I told my husband that I thought he should lose his gaming rights for three days as well; he was supposed to be responsible while Gus was outside or else he should have sent Gus in until he could pay attention. But he apparently does not agree.

So what I've learned today is that I cannot turn my back long enough to pee or to make a side dish for dinner.

And they say that having a child with special needs can put a strain on a marriage. I can't imagine why. By my view, it's not so much the child or the special needs that are the problem.

Please comment and let me know: am I wrong and/or crazy?

Why we are still home on such a beautiful day

This time of year is tough. Lots of people are away on vacation and I've got two kids trapped in the house with me. The sky is clear for a change, the temperature mild, and yet here we three are, stuck in the house together. The obvious thing to do would be to pack some snacks and a couple bottles of water, and take these guys to the beach or to the park or for a hike. When I'm feeling particularly brave, I do that - when I'm at my most alert and energetic and focused. But on days like today, when I'm pretty alert, and more energetic than I was yesterday, but still not feeling very frisky, and not very focused or grounded at all, going out is a scary thought.

No one would understand if they had never gotten the phone call: "Hello, Mrs. _____, this is Officer _____, and let me first assure you that everything is fine...." Except that everything isn't fine, or at least it wasn't always fine or Officer _____ wouldn't be calling.

Gus was lost once. He was with a family member who had taken the kids to the park - MM must have been about two, so Gus had to be four, or about to turn four. The family member picked up MM and then went to return a shovel or some other such thing to a mom, taking his eyes off of Gus for a second. But that was all it took. Gus took off, left the park, and was gone.

Twenty minutes or forty-five minutes - I have no idea how long he was missing. No one called me - not even the family member (which in retrospect, was probably the best thing for his health at the time) called me to tell me that Gus had disappeared. The call came after the police found him and had returned him to his caregiver.

Gus, it seemed, had left the park, walked about a quarter of a mile,or maybe half a mile, had gone into a building garage where someone had apparently just pulled out, and gotten stuck inside when the door closed. Another resident of the building (I hope she's hit lotto by now or has been blessed in some other miraculous way) found him and called the police who were already searching for him. I think we were all being watched by some powerful angels that day.

So now, it is very rare that anyone takes the two children out alone. I've been pretty insistent about a one-to-one ration when the children are out of the house. Even when we had the babysitters this weekend, there were two people here because you just never know with Gus. He just gets these ideas in his head and acts.

This leaves me with a dilemma. I know I watch my kids more carefully than anyone else, but what would happen if Gus were to get one of those impulses and take off? I know my own limitations and I've never been the swiftest at acting reflexively. Do I go after Gus in that instance, or grab MM and hope she's not going to put up a fuss (unlikely) to go and chase after him? I certainly couldn't leave her to go after him.

This is the reason I'm still sitting in the house at noon. We've already had lunch and I'm wracking my brain for the next thing to do. I suppose we'll play a board game. Perhaps if we're very lucky one of the neighbors will come out with their kids. If I see these guys getting really antsy, I may have to go and knock on some doors. It's been a long six hours that we've been awake, and the coming six, until Daddy comes home, are not looking like they're going to go any faster.