Monday, September 17, 2007

What the frack?

The universe is just filled with irony. I'm pretty convinced that God/Goddess (or whatever your name for that all-powerful deity/energy is) has a kind of twisted sense of humor. My rationale for this is if God/Goddess is in everything, and Black Comedy (as a genre) exists, then God/Goddess must also be present in Black Comedy. It's just His/Her little funny.

I took Gus to the geneticist today. Almost all the preliminary test they ran were negative or inconclusive. But they did turn up with the damnedest thing: his cholesterol is high. What? Now if I had a kid who ate like the majority of the kids in this country, existing on McDonald's and all manner of unhealthy, yet fun, swill, I wouldn't be so shocked. But then there would be no irony in my life and where would the fun be in that? He's on an all natural food, low sugar, very healthy almost to the extreme, diet. But he has high cholesterol. He doesn't even drink whole milk for heaven's sake! Only low fat for this kid. Are you kidding me? Can you head the wood of my desk splintering from the repeated head bashing I'm doing at the moment?

So we have to undergo yet more dietary changes. And as if it weren't funny enough, our choices are to start eating low fat everything else that isn't already. But those things tend to have either higher sugar or salt contents (diabetes or high blood pressure, anyone?) and tons of additives and preservatives. Or we can stick to the more expensive natural food, low sugar diet and keep the high cholesterol. I'm being partially facetious - I'm sure there's a happy medium, but right now it doesn't feel like there is. Right now I feel like no matter what the hell we do there's just no winning.

Of course, no cake is complete without the icing.

One of my worst fears has always been that one of my kids would get burnt with hot water from tea or coffee. This stems from having to take my ex-boyfriend's toddler son to the hospital because his crackhead grandmother left her tea at the edge of the table. The child had third degree burns over most of the front of his body, including his penis, and the skin had to be peeled away so they could dress the wounds. His mother was nowhere to be found and I held the poor screaming child while they did this. I was traumatized probably almost as he was.

Do I even need to go on? We let the kids stay up to watch a show that they've been itching to see. Toward the end I put some water on for tea figuring that by the time they were in bed it would be ready to drink. So when the kettle whistled, I asked my husband to pour it for me because I had the kids on the couch on either side of me, and I couldn't really move. He poured it and started to bring it to me, like he usually does (although how he thought i could hold hot tea in that position is still beyond me). For some reason, Gus decided to run toward the kitchen just as my husband was coming out. Cue the collision soundtrack, kid screaming, etc., etc.

Luckily, the burns weren't bad, but they did go across his shoulders and a drop got on his thigh. It could have been much, much worse, I know. The tears didn't last long, and thanks to an ice-pack and some burn cream, he is now sleeping peacefully.

This had to happen today of all days? I think some divine being is having one wicked laugh at our expense this evening. None of this is tragic, just bizarre and annoying enough to make me wonder about the universe. I wouldn't be surprised in the least if an alien ship landed on my front lawn tomorrow morning just before Gus's new bus came to pick him up. I really wouldn't.

1 comment:

  1. I would venture that Gus has hereditary high cholesterol, Talair. That is not cured by diet, generally - several people in my family who eat reasonably healthy diets have had to get medicine to control the cholesterol. I know, something else to knock your head against the wall about...

    That event with the ex boyfriend's son sounds like the kind of thing that gives people nightmares. I can see why it has given you a real distaste for carelessness with hot liquids. However, what happened to Gus was just the sort of little accident that happens to everyone...when I was a baby everyone smoked, so the oldest baby in the family always got hot ash falling off someone's cig on them once or twice before everyone figured out how not to do that. As crazy as I am , I don't think that's the cause, though...

    Whenever these little aggravating things happen I figure I was slated for something else but that God mitigated it for me and I just got the chicken-poop aggravation instead. There is no proof I am right, but it does seem that in several cases there is almost proof, and it does make me feel better....



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