Yesterday we were out playing with the one other boy Gus's age in the neighborhood. They don't play together often because they're about as different as a bull and a butterfly. He's an okay kid, but a little 'type-A' while Gus is...Gus. So, all three kids were climbing a tree, and the boy quietly asked Gus, "Why are you so crazy?" Then he turned to MM and said, "Why's your brother so crazy? Why's he so silly? He's always talking about silly things."
I took many deep breaths. He wasn't trying to be mean, but in light of Gus's proclamation the other night about being odd, it broke my heart a little.
Gus didn't answer, but I could tell he heard and was thinking about it. I said to the boy, "He's not crazy, he's different. He thinks about things differently than you."
"But why does he talk about silly things?"
"Are you silly sometimes?"
"Yeah," he said with a sheepish smile.
"Well, so is he and so am I and everyone else, too."
That seemed good enough, but I had to get out of there. I took the kids for a walk, and then home for a chat, some reassurances, some ideas about how to handle questions like that. Don't know if I handled the situation correctly, but it was the best I could come up with. I guess we weren't going to stay in this polite little bubble forever.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Monday, August 11, 2008
Six Miles on a Bike?
Gus has been doing really well on his bike since taking off the training wheels. He's gotten better at starting himself off and isn't crashing into things to stop himself as much. So my husband and I have talked about maybe joining a local cycling club and possibly joining them for a family ride in September.
The ride would be six miles along a trail, no traffic. Since it is family-centered, I doubt it will be very hilly. I'm pretty sure that Gus could handle it. I remember a few years ago when he was around three, we did an autism walk that was two miles. He ran the last quarter mile and then went on to spend the rest of the afternoon in a bouncy castle. I think he's got the energy and stamina to go six miles on a bike.
My one concern would be the other riders. He's not always mindful of his surroundings and has difficulty navigating others' personal space (part of the sensory difficulties), but I think I may have a strategy brewing. If the four of us ride, if we ride behind the kids with them single file, each of use can flank each of them. I'll have to contact the organization and ask some questions about the expected number of participants and so forth, but if he was able to do a walk among thousands of people at three, I'm confident that he can handle this. And I think he'd enjoy it in addition to it providing him with something to feel good about.
He needs something to feel good about, especially now when it seems he's starting to notice his differences. I was reading Gus a story the other night and the phrase 'odd man out' was mentioned. He asked me what odd meant. I was a little apprehensive about the question, but I answered, explaining that it could have to do with numbers that didn't divide evenly or it could mean different or unusual.
His response: "I'm odd."
I replied that everyone is different and that he was awesome. He wasn't exactly upset, just a sort of resigned. But he went to sleep and was fine the next morning. So I think now would be a great time for him to feel capable and successful. Maybe a bike ride will go a little way toward that end.
The ride would be six miles along a trail, no traffic. Since it is family-centered, I doubt it will be very hilly. I'm pretty sure that Gus could handle it. I remember a few years ago when he was around three, we did an autism walk that was two miles. He ran the last quarter mile and then went on to spend the rest of the afternoon in a bouncy castle. I think he's got the energy and stamina to go six miles on a bike.
My one concern would be the other riders. He's not always mindful of his surroundings and has difficulty navigating others' personal space (part of the sensory difficulties), but I think I may have a strategy brewing. If the four of us ride, if we ride behind the kids with them single file, each of use can flank each of them. I'll have to contact the organization and ask some questions about the expected number of participants and so forth, but if he was able to do a walk among thousands of people at three, I'm confident that he can handle this. And I think he'd enjoy it in addition to it providing him with something to feel good about.
He needs something to feel good about, especially now when it seems he's starting to notice his differences. I was reading Gus a story the other night and the phrase 'odd man out' was mentioned. He asked me what odd meant. I was a little apprehensive about the question, but I answered, explaining that it could have to do with numbers that didn't divide evenly or it could mean different or unusual.
His response: "I'm odd."
I replied that everyone is different and that he was awesome. He wasn't exactly upset, just a sort of resigned. But he went to sleep and was fine the next morning. So I think now would be a great time for him to feel capable and successful. Maybe a bike ride will go a little way toward that end.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
He sure told me
Burgers and mashed potatoes for dinner, one of his favorites. A little too favorite on this night.
"Please stop putting the potatoes on your back."
A look of pure pity and disdain. Gosh, mom, how can you be so dumb? "This is not the future of fashion!" Jeez, woman, what are you thinking?
Clearly, I am not smart enough to realize that potatoes are not clothing, but merely a natural skin cream. Silly me.
P.S. Gus's cycling success motivated his sister to jump on the bandwagon. We are now a training-wheel-free zone! Yippee!
"Please stop putting the potatoes on your back."
A look of pure pity and disdain. Gosh, mom, how can you be so dumb? "This is not the future of fashion!" Jeez, woman, what are you thinking?
Clearly, I am not smart enough to realize that potatoes are not clothing, but merely a natural skin cream. Silly me.
P.S. Gus's cycling success motivated his sister to jump on the bandwagon. We are now a training-wheel-free zone! Yippee!
Thursday, July 31, 2008
How Amazing is This Boy?
Tonight, Gus was a little amped up, so I told him we'd go out for a little bike ride after dinner, which we almost never do. On a whim, I told him to try out his sister's old bike - the one without the training wheels. Three tries, and I swear he was riding, all on his own! He's a natural! I'm amazed and so very proud! He's got me beat by two years - I didn't ride a two-wheeler until I was nine.
Once he got the hang of riding the little bike, I took the trainers off his bike and went riding around the block. He's still got to get the hang of starting off, but that'll come quickly, I'm sure.
This is the site where I got the 'instructions' for teaching a kid to ride, which I learned about from a discussion at AutismVox.
On our way home, Gus took a bad spill. He forgot to turn and went over the curb and landed in some grass. He was completely fine - he's got amazing reflexes when it comes to falling - but the bike handlebars somehow twisted all the way forward. So when my husband and I - brilliant as we are - tried to fix them...
It's a very simple concept: lefty-loosey; righty-tighty. Someone forgot to mention that you have to be facing the thing you're trying to loosen to the lefty, not the top, because then you're turning righty and the nut is becoming tighty. It only took us an hour to figure out why it was getting harder to turn the nut despite the blasts of WD40. Good thing our kids are smarter than us.
So Gus's bike is all fixed and ready to go! Yay, Gus!!
Once he got the hang of riding the little bike, I took the trainers off his bike and went riding around the block. He's still got to get the hang of starting off, but that'll come quickly, I'm sure.
This is the site where I got the 'instructions' for teaching a kid to ride, which I learned about from a discussion at AutismVox.
On our way home, Gus took a bad spill. He forgot to turn and went over the curb and landed in some grass. He was completely fine - he's got amazing reflexes when it comes to falling - but the bike handlebars somehow twisted all the way forward. So when my husband and I - brilliant as we are - tried to fix them...
It's a very simple concept: lefty-loosey; righty-tighty. Someone forgot to mention that you have to be facing the thing you're trying to loosen to the lefty, not the top, because then you're turning righty and the nut is becoming tighty. It only took us an hour to figure out why it was getting harder to turn the nut despite the blasts of WD40. Good thing our kids are smarter than us.
So Gus's bike is all fixed and ready to go! Yay, Gus!!
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Good People
It occurs to me now and then that while there have been a number of people - children and adults - who have been less than kind to Gus, there have been so many who have been really wonderful. We're very fortunate to live among some great neighbors.
Yesterday at the beach, one woman was there with her daughter and two nephews. Gus and MM had played with the little girl once before - they're all Pokemon enthusiasts. The nephews were much older, but played with the kids and were so patient with Gus, I actually went and chatted with the woman to tell her what nice boys they were. Then there's the family down the street with the two teens and two little ones. The older ones are really amazing with all the smaller kids in the neighborhood, but I don't think they know how much it means that they show Gus such patience and never exclude him from games.
We're surrounded by parents of children who show their kids by example that Gus is not "weird" as he's been called (not too long ago), but just different and totally acceptable.
They may not all understand the intricacies of autism or Asperger's (only one person does, actually) but our neighbors are good people. We're lucky to have found them.
Yesterday at the beach, one woman was there with her daughter and two nephews. Gus and MM had played with the little girl once before - they're all Pokemon enthusiasts. The nephews were much older, but played with the kids and were so patient with Gus, I actually went and chatted with the woman to tell her what nice boys they were. Then there's the family down the street with the two teens and two little ones. The older ones are really amazing with all the smaller kids in the neighborhood, but I don't think they know how much it means that they show Gus such patience and never exclude him from games.
We're surrounded by parents of children who show their kids by example that Gus is not "weird" as he's been called (not too long ago), but just different and totally acceptable.
They may not all understand the intricacies of autism or Asperger's (only one person does, actually) but our neighbors are good people. We're lucky to have found them.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Some Possible Answers
Since taking Gus off his medication, I've looked for some alternative ways to help him focus during the school day. He's had a great week, only one less focused afternoon. That's pretty darned good! The weather is a big factor; he's just naturally more hyper and has a harder time during the colder months. But it's looking like physical activity and noise have been playing a big role as well.
It seems that when Gus has lots of physical activity on a daily basis, he's more focused in school. This is not surprising. Exercise increases serotonin, dopamine, norepinephrine and endorphins. The neurotransmitters control alertness, emotions, and concentration, while endorphins are natural mood lifters. So, I've made it a point to make Gus exercise for about 10 minutes every morning with a peddler - an exercise bike without the seat part - spending 5 minutes working his legs and 5 minutes working his arms. After school, he's been either swimming at the beach or walking or something else to get him out and moving. I think that if I can work something out with his teacher in the fall where he has a break midday to do some exercises, everyone may have a happier school year.
The other change we've made is that Gus now uses headphones in the classroom. It seems that when he doesn't have to be anxious about noise, he can concentrate better on his work.
So I'm feeling optimistic about the possibility of a drug free school year to come. Now I just have to find an exercise regime that we can afford and that will be interesting enough for him to want to do it every day.
It seems that when Gus has lots of physical activity on a daily basis, he's more focused in school. This is not surprising. Exercise increases serotonin, dopamine, norepinephrine and endorphins. The neurotransmitters control alertness, emotions, and concentration, while endorphins are natural mood lifters. So, I've made it a point to make Gus exercise for about 10 minutes every morning with a peddler - an exercise bike without the seat part - spending 5 minutes working his legs and 5 minutes working his arms. After school, he's been either swimming at the beach or walking or something else to get him out and moving. I think that if I can work something out with his teacher in the fall where he has a break midday to do some exercises, everyone may have a happier school year.
The other change we've made is that Gus now uses headphones in the classroom. It seems that when he doesn't have to be anxious about noise, he can concentrate better on his work.
So I'm feeling optimistic about the possibility of a drug free school year to come. Now I just have to find an exercise regime that we can afford and that will be interesting enough for him to want to do it every day.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Wonderfully Imperfect
Gus has been off Strattera for a few days now. I will admit, he's a little less focused and a little more hyperactive. I find myself having to tell him to do something ten times instead of eight. And ya know what? I'm so happy!
The Strattera seemed to suppress something essential in him. He became 'dulled.' I can't go so far as to say he was like a zombie, but he certainly lost his light. Sure he was calmer, but he wasn't Gus. Even the bus driver, who hadn't seen him since last summer, immediately noticed the difference.
As much as I'd like him to be able to focus, I don't want to lose all the parts of him that make him special. He's laughing again. He's running and animated (boy is he running and animated!) He's joking and singing - exuberant! I'd be an idiot to not want this version around. And he's sleeping again, thank heavens! One very interesting thing - I took him to a crowded beach today and he didn't have single problem. (He had two minor incidents last week, in a much smaller crowd of beach-goers.)
I'm sure that there are many people in the world who think the dull version is more socially appropriate, just because he was quieter, but they can, quite frankly, bite me.
The Strattera seemed to suppress something essential in him. He became 'dulled.' I can't go so far as to say he was like a zombie, but he certainly lost his light. Sure he was calmer, but he wasn't Gus. Even the bus driver, who hadn't seen him since last summer, immediately noticed the difference.
As much as I'd like him to be able to focus, I don't want to lose all the parts of him that make him special. He's laughing again. He's running and animated (boy is he running and animated!) He's joking and singing - exuberant! I'd be an idiot to not want this version around. And he's sleeping again, thank heavens! One very interesting thing - I took him to a crowded beach today and he didn't have single problem. (He had two minor incidents last week, in a much smaller crowd of beach-goers.)
I'm sure that there are many people in the world who think the dull version is more socially appropriate, just because he was quieter, but they can, quite frankly, bite me.
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